I am a Good Samurai
by mooniestar-69
Summary: Kenshin has a very strange little obsession and its up to the rest of the Kenshin-gumi to figure out what it is. I was under the influence of J-pop and chewy sweetarts when I wrote this. Read it, you'll laugh, I promis. R&R!


**I Am a Good Samurai**

Kaoru cursed silently when she poked herself for the third time with the dull needle, trying to thread the tiny string through her favorite blue kimono. She had made the common mistake of chasing Yahiko around the yard, wanting to teach him a lesson for calling her ugly again. She had tripped over her own two feet, catching the hem of her kimono under her shoes and causing the delicate material to rip.

And now she was sitting here, maiming herself. She refused to succumb to the truth, which was that she couldn't sew. Four messy stitches stuck out from the seam and she threw the outfit down in frustration.

"Forget it," she muttered, standing up. She would get Kenshin to fix it later. For now, she would make dinner.

As Kaoru was making her way to the outside, she heard something strange somewhere in the hallway. A low whisper reached her ears, sending a shiver up her spine. She walked a bit further, following the mysterious sound. As she neared Kenshin's room, she stepped on a loose floorboard that made a loud creak. Kaoru gritted her teeth, becoming as still as possible. But the whispers had stopped.

Restoring her lost composure, Kaoru ran outside into the daylight. Sometimes that house freaked her out. But that was stupid, being afraid of a house. Especially since she wasn't alone anymore, not since she had two boarders and a student living with her. And even though they were lazy freeloaders who didn't have jobs, she was glad to have company.

"Jou-chan, are you gonna fix some food yet?" Speak of the devil.

"I'm working on it, unlike you Sanosuke, who couldn't do chores to save your life," she replied.

"Chill out, I help you...sometimes...occasionally...hehe..." Kaoru rolled her eyes and began to pick vegetables from her garden, throwing them into the basket beside her. A series of yells could be heard behind her. Yahiko had come back from training by the river and was currently gnawing on Sano's spiky hair.

Fifteen minutes later, she was stirring a bubbling pot of soup, the tasty aroma drawing Sano and Yahiko from their fighting.

"Wow, that actually looks edible for once, Ugly," said Yahiko, who was now sporting a large, fleshy bump on his head thanks to Kaoru's quick reflexes. They were all about to dig in, when she stopped them.

"Wait, where's Kenshin?" Three pairs of chopsticks stopped in midair.

"He didn't go out, did he?"

"No, he already got groceries yesterday."

"Sano, go find him. He's probably still inside the house."

"Sure thing, Jou-chan. Come on, you little brat." Sanosuke grabbed Yahiko by the waist and ran to the front door.

"Put me down, I can walk, you know," he grumbled, kicking his feet.

"Fine, just help me find that redhead, would ya?" Yahiko sighed and began searching the dojo. The training hall was empty, as was the bathhouse. The kid smacked his forehead. He hadn't checked Kenshin's room yet.

"Find him yet?" Sano whispered from behind, causing Yahiko to jump in fright.

"Gah! Don't do that, tori atama! Does it look like I've found him ye-mmph!"

"Shut it! D-did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Sano slapped his hand over the brat's mouth again, holding him still.

"Listen..." Both of them went dead quiet, straining to hear any strange sounds. To their surprise, a creepy sound reached their ears and they both stiffened. It sounded like someone breathing, yet talking softly at the same time.

"What...what is that?" Yahiko whispered. He looked behind him to see Sano shaking like a leaf.

"It's a ghost! I know it!" The whispers got faster and slightly louder. They could barely make out what was being said.

"Iyamagoosami...Iyamagoosami..." Both of their eyes widened and they stepped closer to Kenshin's door. The strange whispers seemed to be coming from inside there! One of them stepped on a loose floorboard and it creaked loudly. A small squeak escaped from behind the door, which suddenly opened.

"Dinner is ready, ne?" asked the small samurai as he rushed past them, disappearing around the corner before they could say anything. They quickly followed him outside, where Kaoru was waiting.

"What's wrong with you guys?" Kaoru demanded, upon seeing them emerge from the house. They all had the same sort of expression on their faces.

"N-Nothing!" they yelled in unison, although Kenshin was the loudest of all. Kaoru huffed and stomped back to the soup.

"Well, hurry up and eat. I have to meet Tae in about an hour." Everyone obeyed, sitting down to eat on the bench.

"Itadakimasu," they muttered. For a moment, there was nothing but silence and the clinking of chopsticks. Kaoru sighed inwardly. Sometimes, those guys were so stupid. The clinking suddenly stopped and a bowl clattered to the ground. Kaoru looked up to see Kenshin, his hands trembling violently as he leaned over to pick up his bowl.

"Kenshin, daijoubu ka?" she said, watching him worriedly. His face had become pale and his hands still shook even though they were braced in the grass beneath him. Sano and Yahiko could only stare, not knowing what to do. The rurouni stood up and ran back inside the house, screaming wildly.

"I can't take it anymore!" and he was gone. Without hesitating, Kaoru dashed after him, flinging her half-finished bowl into Yahiko's lap

"Hey!" he protested, glaring at the mess on his hakama. Sano laughed loudly. The kid growled and jumped on his back, chewing on his hair.

Kaoru followed the redhead until she reached the door to his room. She had heard him slam the door shut. Standing outside of the door, she knew that it would be very rude to just burst in and demand what was going on. She settled for banging on the door and yelling.

"Kenshin, open up! Tell me what's wrong!" she shouted. There was no answer. She asked again, but he didn't reply. He did look pretty sick just then, he might be sleeping. Kaoru smacked herself for acting so brash. Here he was trying to have some privacy, and she was banging on the door like an idiot. Probably giving him a headache...

She pressed her ear to the door and, to her surprise, heard a very soft whispering from inside. She quickly became suspicious. Was there someone else in there? No...there couldn't be. She held her hand against her other ear to block out any other sounds. What she heard next was even more startling. Kenshin was speaking softly, a few cracked sobs in between his words. She listened carefully.

"...only thing that can make me feel better. You've been with me through thick and thin. I don't think I could love anything more than you. Aishiteru...aishiteru..." A moment of silence passed. Kaoru was unconsciously biting her nails, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. How could she have missed this? There was no other way to put it.

Kenshin had a secret lover!

Kaoru wanted to dash through the door and demand whoever it was to get the hell out of her house. But another part of her wanted to cry and cry, not wanting to believe what was happening. And in any situation, she would beat him senseless.

The whispering stopped and she heard him stand up. With shaking legs, she left the doorway and made her way to her own bedroom. She shut the door and cried.

The small-statured samurai stepped out into the sunlight. (A.N. Say that 5 times fast) He felt much better now that he had taken care of certain...things. It had been extremely rude to leave right in the middle of lunch without an explanation, but it was an emergency! Of sorts...

"Hey, what happened to you?" Sanosuke shouted, running up to him.

"Yeah, we were stuck washing dishes 'cuz Ugly ran off after you."

"She did?" Kenshin replied.

"Yeah, she must still be inside. I'll go get her," Sanosuke offered. When he went inside, Yahiko turned back to Kenshin.

"So, are you sick or something?"

"Um..."

"Well, it's no surprise. Ugly's cooking gets worse everyday," said Yahiko.

"Sessha doesn't really..." Kenshin started.

"Oh man, if it gets more horrible than this, I'd rather eat dirt than what she makes. I mean, her food is so gross!"

"Yahiko! Sessha wasn't sick, Sessha just didn't feel well!" Yahiko stepped back at his sudden explosion. He had never heard him shout before, especially not at him.

"Gomen, Yahiko-kun," he apologized, "Sessha just doesn't feel like himself today." Yahiko nodded and smiled weakly.

"You should get ready for your training, de gozaru." He nodded and left. Kenshin watched him leave, his left hand lightly stroking the hilt of his sword

"Jou-chan, come on out," Sanosuke spoke through her closed door.

"No! Go away!" she yelled back.

"Oh, come on, what's wrong?"

"I'm not coming out until I know what's going on with Kenshin!" Kaoru shouted. She was huddled up against the wall, partially hidden behind her made-up futon. She heard him sigh.

"He's fine, okay? Just like always," he argued.

"Then why was he talking to someone just now? In his room?" The door suddenly slid open and Sano let himself in, his arms crossed. Kaoru ducked behind the pile of blankets, quickly wiping her eyes.

"Quit being such a baby," he said, kneeling down beside her.

"You'd be upset too if you found out that the person you loved didn't love you back AND has a lover in your house!" Sanosuke blanched and glanced to the side. So that's why she was so upset. Jou-chan loved Kenshin. But what was this about a lover? Kaoru was still babbling.

"I knew he would never even think about me as more than a friend. I always yell at him and I don't appreciate what he does, and I hit him too! No wonder he doesn't love me. Probably doesn't even like me..." she trailed off and began crying again. Sanosuke sat there in awe. Her she was confessing her love about Kenshin to him, when what she should be doing is finding out about this so-called lover of his. He grabbed her forearm and brought her to her feet before she could protest.

"Come on, we'll ask Kenshin himself what's goin' on." He pulled her to the door, but she jerked back.

"What?? No! We can't just ask if he has a lover, much less a secret one. Besides...I know he does, there's no need to ask him." She started to pout and covered her face with her hands.

"Jou-chan..." He placed his hands on her shoulders and she began to droop into his hold. But then he started to shake her back and forth and yelled.

"You are the assistant master of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu! You have never backed down from a challenge! Get your act together and go talk to him NOW!!"

"...." He dragged her out the door and into the hallway. The swirls were gone and she stood up straight, wiping her tears away. He was right.

"You're right!" she declared. "I've never backed down from a challenge!"

"--...Glad to see you have your confidence back," he muttered under his breath. She grit her teeth, determination in her blue eyes. She stomped over to Kenshin's room and flung the door open, Sanosuke behind her.

"Okay, where is she?!?" Kaoru screeched, prowling the room like a tiger. But there was nothing but silence. She stood there, eyes darting back and forth.

"Hmm..." She spotted the closet and grinned, rubbing her palms together in an evil manner.

"I've got you now!" Without hesitating, she grabbed the edge of the door (you know, where that little hole is where you put your fingers) and practically ripped it off its hinges (if it had any) and smiled triumphantly as she caught Kenshin and his lover in the closet.

A minute passed.... then two....

"Um...Jou-chan..."

"Yes, Sanosuke?"

"That...doesn't look like a woman to me..."

"I know, Sano."

Silence.

Kenshin was sitting against the wall, holding his sakabatou over his lap, like it was a kitten. He was blissfully happy as he stroked and caressed the reversed sword. He was chanting and whispering the words that everyone had heard all day.

"I am a good samurai. I am a good samurai," he would say over and over. Kaoru and Sanosuke could only stare in shock, as demonstrated here OO OO

"Hey! Where is everyone?" Yahiko shouted from afar. He ran into Kenshin's room.

"What are you staring at?" He stood by Kaoru, looking into the closet as well.

OO

Kenshin didn't seem to know they were there as he brought his sword to his face and gave it a single solitary kiss.

Sano, Kaoru, and Yahiko's reactions are as followed (OO) (OO) (OO)

Kenshin then slid the sword into the belt of his hakama and stood up, walked out of the closet, and shut the door behind him. At this moment, he came out of his thoughts. He stared at them as they stared back. Yahiko was the first to speak.

"Um...Kenshin...what were you doing?" he asked shakily. He'd never recover from that image...

"What do you mean, Yahiko-kun?" Kenshin asked politely.

"That...thing...you were doing with your sword," Sano replied for him. Kenshin blinked, then smiled.

"Oh, that." He winked at Kaoru. "We all have our little secrets, don't we?" Kaoru stopped in her tracks. (Like she was really walking anywhere)

"So...so you don't have a secret lover?" she asked timidly. Kenshin laughed.

"Of course not, what gave you that idea?" The three of them looked at each other, all now very confused.

"The whispers, and the fact that you got sick-looking at lunch, and how you're always hidden in your room." Kenshin sighed.

"How can I explain? I suppose it's a sort of training that I have. I become one with my weapon and I use that to my advantage during battle. But sometime I feel separated with my skills and I have to replenish that feeling. If I stay away too long, then I'll start shaking like I did at lunch today. But it's all under control. I'm sorry for keeping this a secret from all of you."

"Hey, Jou-chan was the only one that got all worked up about it. She really thought that you had some woman in her house."

"Really?" Kenshin inquired. Kaoru looked away and blushed, then nodded. Yahiko started laughing loudly.

"Ugly got jealous over a sword! Oh, that's hilarious! OW!" Kaoru punched him, knocking him out. Yahiko's current status

"There's no need to worry, Kaoru-dono, there's no secret lovers in here." Kaoru sighed with relief, extremely happy that Kenshin had come clean. But without warning, Kenshin pulled her close and gave her a kiss on the lips.

"Wha--??" Sano and Yahiko both said. Kaoru didn't know if she was in shock or in heaven. She returned the kiss gladly, overjoyed that she was finally getting what she wanted. They pulled apart and smiled, then turned to the other two.

"That's right, no secret lovers here." Kaoru giggled when he said this.

"But what about your sword? It won't be very fair if you pay attention to it more than me."

"Don't worry, Kaoru, I'll give each of you the same consideration." Right here, Sano started laughing like a madman, slapping Yahiko on the back.

"What? What's so funny?" the new couple asked him. He rolled on the floor, clutching his sides. They could only stare at him until he quit. He finally stood up, wiping away the tears of laughter.

"Oh come on! Don't you guys get it?" They shook their heads, very confused.

"Kenshin, you of all people should know. Figure it out! You can't certainly give both Kaoru and your sakaba the same 'consideration.' It wouldn't exactly work, if you get my drift..." Kenshin suddenly turned cherry red and Kaoru looked at him.

"What does that mean? Kenshin, tell me!" Kenshin glanced over at Sano.

"You are very hentai, you know that?"

"Hey, you're the one that wants to become 'one' with your 'weapon'," Sano shot back. Everyone fell over, swirls in their eyes and nosebleeds galore.

OWARI!

A.N. (Falls over laughing) I don't know about you, but this story was so fun to write. It was just something I thought of after I saw a certain episode of PPG (the most sickeningly cute show in the American T.V, right next to Teletubbies) I was gonna make it like 5 chapters long...but I'm already trying to do that with my other stories, and its hard! So here's a nice little short for ya. Review please.


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